Meh...

I don't have any friends. People shouldn't become friends with me. I just a selfish asshole who only thinks about myself. When I do try to become friends with people and they get to know me, they think its alright to start making fun of me constantly. I can handle a few jokes, but hearing it over and over again can make it start to hurt. All in all, I shouldn't try to become friends with anyone because I will get to a certain breaking point and will not tell them my problems. I am and will be forever alone.

2012

I forgive the girl. My best friend, fuck him. He was immature about our situation. I started school again, so I don't feel like a depressed piece of shit every time. Here's to 2012. Keep it classy.

Shit.....

Lately, I've been having dreams about a very dear friend, my best friend to be exact, and how either I'm hanging out with him or how we made up from the stupidest thing ever. Is it wrong of me that I'm really good friends with his ex-girlfriend? I really want to think that , but I truly do not know why we just stopped talking to each other. Both of us have been living our lives like nothing has happen, but I'm pretty sure we both still think about how this all turned out the way it did. Its been about 3 months since we haven't spoken together. I at least tried to make the effort to call and text him, but to no avail. I'm cried about how our friendship turned out to be how it is now. Clear indications showed me something was wrong when he de-brother-ed  me on facebook. I just look at the photos we've taken together and it makes me sad especially since the holidays are around the corner. I just keep thinking I'm alone in the world. I know I have friends, but nothing like the bond me and him had. He was always there to pick me up, movitiate me, and just help. Our bond can't be gone, can it? I just wish that one day we would be on speaking terms again. Even everyone asks me, "What happened between you and him?" I can only answer, "I don't know. We haven't gotten a chance to talk to each other." Guess best friends aren't forever Tod.

.......

She's back in my head again...... All because of a dream and also it was her birthday yesterday, plus everyone is about to come home from school for the holidays. In the dream, I was devastated. She ignored me when I was trying to talk to her and I just felt really sad.  I don't know why I have these spurts of feelings for her still. I just need someone to talk to to get her out of my head. School will start for me soon in January, so hopefully I can meet someone new and just talk to them. I do miss talking to her though.....

It hurts......

I maybe the stupidest guy in the world thinking that something good would come out hanging with her. The beginning of the hang out was good. We were catching and talking about good times. I was content with myself and her. I was trying to do something nice for her since it was her last couple of days in Des Moines before she had to back to school in Minnesota by taking her to see her best friends up in Ames which are my sisters in a sense. It all completely backfired on me. They had their little girl talk session and I'm just there overhearing it all. It starts to hurt bad because they're talking about all the bad relationships they have been in and I got so upset because I felt like I could've been one of the guys she could've dated and it would've been probably her best relationship ever. I just got angry and wanted to throw something or yell, but I couldn't. I was in their presence and didn't want it to make it look weird. It sucked so much driving home because she is in the car right next to me. The trip home was awkward than the trip up. I was just feeling so depressed driving home, but I'm sure she didn't notice. I hate how I have to put on a fake face or tone of voice to her. I just want to as her what I did wrong or am I just not good looking enough. I know also that she said that a long distance relationship doesn't work from what I picked up in their conversations. I know that for a fact is not a good example. She dated a guy she knew for 3 weeks and he was from Minnesota and she is from Iowa. They're broken up no, but what if they were still together? You're telling me it would've worked then. I'm just an emotional wreck right now. I hope whoever reads can kinda understand what my life has been going through for the past year now. Its just unbearable.........

Oh boy.....

This shit might just start all over again, but it won't be the same. I am hanging out with the girl I hate/still like for some reason. I dunno why I'm doing this or if its even going to happen. I'm just setting up to get hurt all over again. Fuck how I think. I guess I can just hope for the best if we are hanging out tomorrow......

Nice Guys Finish Last

All she does to me whenever I see her Facebook page is anger me. I don't see how girls can just move on with their life knowing that they probably just let go of the perfect guy that has been talking to them for several months and just put them into the "friend"zone. I guess that really isn't enough for girls these days. They want a douchebag to fool around with them and treat them like shit and they'll probably never come to their senses or if they do, then its too late. I know that I will never change my personality just to win some girl over. Girls like douchebags no matter what and nice guys will always win last .